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    May 09

    挫败感

    去UM的同学们大都已经收到了通知,相当理所当然的我没有收到。本来一直没有抱太大希望,毕竟我的学积分不高,所以一开始也就没有太大负面情绪。但是与此同时又知道了其他同学去法国去香港的消息,想到下个学期一个个熟悉的身影都不再会在我面前出现,突然有一种深深的挫败感涌上心头。仿佛因为自己的无能被抛弃,被远远的拉在了后面。然后看着前面的人越走越远,越走越远,直至消失不见。这种挫败感如此强烈,以至于昨晚还我还做了一个梦,一个无比平庸的梦,我梦到了考研,梦到了找工作,梦到了娶妻生子,梦到了MR.沈说过的同学会:跟一帮留学回来的同学很自然又很自卑的讨论自己的工资。。。悚然惊醒!这,是我的梦境么;这,是我的未来么?虽然有人说人类最大的罪恶是妄图占有超越自己能力范围的东西。但是我仍旧希望我的未来不只如此。但是我想要的未来又是怎样的呢?我却不知道。却想起了刚进入大学时做的一个白日梦——海面风平浪静,浓雾弥漫。站在战船的最前段连撞角的尖端都看不到,只是我那远征中饱尝血腥味的鼻子却告诉我,目的地快到了因为它嗅到了泥土的味道。我抽出我那最亲密的伙伴双手巨剑,宣布下帆改用浆缓速前进,并让最善射的菲力全力仰射出三只火箭。然后我盯着巨剑上的人——我自己的脸,金发高鼻年轻的脸上冒出的青青的胡茬,以及那顶典型的挪威人头盔。我想起来,在父神光芒照耀下的我们挪威人纵横四海,岂会被小小的雾气挡住去路。于是我咆哮着,听着父神的名字从我宽阔的胸膛奔涌而出——奥丁~~~~奥丁~~~~~~越来越快返回的回声告诉我,目的地近了。当我终于看见岸边悬崖壁上的三点火光时,我笑了。第一个跳下船顺着悬崖攀登上去,自从我呼喊出那个名字的时刻开始,我已——无——所——畏——惧。
      或许我现在需要的,是一声破开浓雾的呐喊。。

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